A Wolf on Adele

Adele speaks to me. Like, I’m pretty sure our souls are telepathically linked.

Now, I didn’t always feel this way. When her latest album came out, I was going through a very dark period in my life when I worked at an overcrowded and completely dysfunctional Starbucks. The aforementioned chain coffee shop from Hell would play Adele’s latest record hour after hour after hour, until I wanted to go on an epic rampage in which I would find the location Adele was currently at and ask her very nicely to SHUT THE EFF UP.

Also, if we are being completely honest, I believe my taste in music is superior to most other people, and I’m a snob. Not the “fat prick in plaid who overcompensates by talking about how overrated Arcade Fire is” snob, but I’m almost as disgusting. This flaw in my character is also what kept me from initially embracing such a smoky voiced goddess, as I am inclined to hate anything the mindless masses enjoy.

Yet, a few months after quitting my lowly barista gig, I began to miss Adele. I would hum the songs I’d so grudgingly been forced to listen to in my head constantly. I would wail her single,” Someone Like You,” at the top of my lungs while driving until I got strange looks from the next car over.

I gave in. I downloaded Adele’s discography. I couldn’t have made a better life choice. Not only is Adele a talented singer, but she is also a woman all other women should strive to be. In “Someone Like You,” she says she wishes nothing but the best for the scumbag who dumped her and then married some dumb skank. In “Turning Tables,” Adele lets the douche bag who is playing games with her know that she is emotionally cutting herself off. And, in “Rumor Has It,” she totally calls this dickhead guy out for dating some baby prostitute who she knows is a poor man’s version of her.

Adele doesn’t let guys walk all over her. She gets sad about heartbreak, but she handles it like a classy lady. Adele doesn’t sit outside her ex-boyfriend’s house and feel sorry for herself, in the way that say Rihanna does. She is a female role model we can all feel great about.

Next time a guy treats me badly, I’m not going to unleash my disappointment by passively-aggressively tweeting and refusing to shower. Instead, I’m putting my Adele on and walking down the street with my head held high.